Yesterday was good. I felt like I’m finally moving forward. Today I looked at something I shouldn’t have and now I’m back to these feelings.

I think about the people that love me. That are seeing me go through this and cheering me on. “You did the right thing. You deserve to be happy. Something better is coming.” I smile and keep going. It’s really a struggle because I know with time, things will heal. It still doesn’t help now. Why isn’t there a pill for this yet? Something to suppress the hurt or make it numb. I’m so tired of feeling like this already. So I try to think of other things. I’m working and fighting hard. Maybe not hard enough. I’m tired of crying and feeling hurt. I’m tired of going over events in my head. Knowing it won’t change anything. I didn’t do anything wrong. I know I’m not perfect and capable of change. I also disappointed and feeling empty.

I know as part of her morning prayers my mom always asks God to send his angels to look after me. So that’s where I got this idea. Right now I don’t feel like drawing happy things so that is why Nenaluna is in the clouds looking down at me. One of the angels mami asked God to send is checking up on me. I know I’m very fortunate and life is good. I’ll make it through this and will be happy. I’m just struggling today. That’s ok too.