I’ve done this before.
I’ve heard these things already.
I know that the pain will go in time.
Let me process the hurt.
There are a lot of layers to this.
I appreciate the concern.
I’m grateful for the support.
Just let me make sad things for a while.
Let me cry.
Let me sleep.
Let me feel all these layers because I lost a dream.
I lost a love I thought was strong and unshakable.
I didn’t want to give up.
I chose to let go because it I love myself.
I know I deserve to be with someone who wants continue being with me.
Not because I talked them into it.
We deserve a future where both of us are growing and moving forward.
So please, for a while, let me cry.
Let be sleep.
I promise I’ll keep moving forward.
Sigh. As an artist is it ok to share times like this? It is appropriate for your career? Will future employers see this and think poorly of me? Will it cost me a job? Am I over sharing? I dunno. Maybe. I can always delete this later. I’m still off social media for some of these reasons. When people think of my work I want them to think of happy and cheerful things. So being emotional and hurting aren’t really something I want to share. I don’t want to talk about it but at the same time I do. I know I go to my therapist and have people I can talk too without having to burden the internet with sad work. But then, because I know that I’ll make it through this and feel better. Because I know I still have a future even if it isn’t what I expected. I do want to share these times with people. I do want to have actual proof of my human revolution. So maybe, some day, someone else who may be going through similar feelings I have now can see this and feel hope. Can see me smiling and know I fought so hard for it. That even when life is hard or unfair it is possible to be happy. Maybe it will encourage others and let them know that even though tears won’t change or fix anything, it’s ok to cry. Stay hydrated. Get some rest. Never give up. My heart hurts and I will love him for as long as I live. I’m sure the way I do will change in time. And that’s ok too. Like I’ve said, I’ve done this before. Thanks for reading.
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