Woke up feeling excited and motivated. Did some yoga, ate a healthy breakfast, and started lesson plans. Then I got a call from my private student loan provider. They are kind of pushy and today was the “let’s scare her” phone call. Sadly, it always works so I’m freaking out about it. Now I need to call and talk to them. Again. Same dance. I pay when I can but that isn’t enough. I don’t like talking about it. Actually, people tell me I shouldn’t talk about it. “Don’t tell people how much you make at work!” “Don’t tell people how much you owe!” “Don’t whine/complain about not having enough money to pay bills.” Then other people tell me “Apply for government assistance.” “That’s what welfare and food stamps are for.” “It’s not bad to ask for help.” So all around different messages and advice.

But what do I do? I’m so tired of this struggle that feels so pointless. I want to succeed and feel proud of my achievement and make money doing work I find valuable. I’m not the only one dealing with this kind of situation. So many Americans start their adult life out of college with thousands of dollars in debt. I graduated in 2008. I’m kinda working in my field but not enough to support myself and pay these loans. Currently looking for something full time that can pay all my bills and my loans and save. Saving money would be amazing. If only you can pay loans with good karma. That would really be amazing.